It's been a very interesting summer.
At the end of June, I graduated from uni. There have been times over the past three years where I never believed that could happen. The irony of battling against depression whilst attempting to study for a psychology degree has never been lost on me. My years in Durham have been an absolute roller coaster ride, and that takes in the good times as well as the bad. The low points have been very low indeed, but when things have been good, I have had the time of my life. I fell in love with a city and the best college that ever was, lived away from home for the first time, learned about myself, had relationships, made the best friends anyone could hope for, danced, drank, laughed, cried, and somehow managed to pick up a degree along the way. I can't put into words quite how much I will miss Durham, and Chad's in particular, and in some ways it is still sinking in that that part of my life is over. But with every ending comes a new beginning and I left in June with two months stretching ahead of me before the next part of the plan came into being.
To be honest, I didn't have a lot planned for the summer. The aim was to get some kind of job and earn a bit of money, and to sort myself out for moving to London in September. The first part sort of happened, the second not so much. Very little was thought ahead, but I have ended up having a truly wonderful summer, with friends and with family, across England and Ireland, between festivals, weddings, parties, babysitting, theme parks and camping. With all this busy-ness, I haven't really though much about the next step...
Now it is six days before my nursing course starts and I am still without accommodation, I haven't packed and I'm generally starting to get nervous. What if I'm not cut out for this? What if I can't deal with the workload? What if I don't make any friends? What if, without the support network I have in Southampton and in Durham, I hide myself away and fail? What if the depression sucks me back down into that black hole that has taken so much from me? I'm not usually a worrier - actually that's a lie, I'm an inveterate worrier, but it's usually about others, not myself. On the other hand, this is the biggest change I've had in a long time. I'm now at the point of giving myself a metaphorical slap on the wrist, and telling myself to stop being so stupid and enjoy the ride. I guess that will have to do for now. Onward with the next part of the adventure, wish me luck!!
